I had just turned 19 and through my twenties, I had a series of dreams. I called them my "institution dreams". They took place in a building that was half school, half hospital. I would be inside trying to escape. The people inside would be conducting disturbing experiments on behalf of somekind of fascist entity. In other dreams they would be in the guise of progressive liberals who spoke in shrill annoying voices about trite things regarding tolerance and inclusiveness that they really didn't believe in. They would be the reason for my need to escape. There would be others helping to guide me out by saying or embodying attributes that encouraged me. Once out, I would find there was a nicer, better kept institution to escape to, like an Ivy League representative of where I'd just been. But I knew that once inside it would be the same story, and I'd have to escape from there as well. Instead, I would run into the nearby forest which was treacherous, but I would rather take chances on my own terms.

In other dreams, I would escape only to realize that what was on the inside was also going on outside, and I would simply decide not to run away or be afraid. Not caring one way or the other seemed to disempower the evil that was going on. In one of the dreams, a Native American woman who looked like a cross between an Aztec princess and a warrior, wearing a stylish little skirt with the tips of her hair painted in bright colors followed me throughout the building as I tried to escape. I was afraid of her- she was simply too beautiful. She finally stopped me and asked, "Why are you running away from me?" Then, holding out her very strong and well sculpted arms said, "Look at my arms, they have your strength." At that moment, all of my fear would leave me and I would know that what I was afraid of couldn't hurt me. I was afraid of the people around me because I believed I needed them to understand me. I was afraid of needing to make sense in their world and knowing that I didn't. I was afraid of not having any power to live with integrity. I came to understand that I didn't need them to understand me or be like me to be who I am successfully. I decided to have faith that by focusing on cultivating my own being, I would find a community of people who are unique unto themselves, even if I had to build it one person at a time. I stopped having the dreams.

I have spent  the most recent phase of my life, learning about the strength of my arms, of my mind, and of my words. It is in my nature to resist conventionality and I'm drawn to creatives and innovators. I have observed that these are the people who build the community and society the rest of us live in.  The geniuses, nerds, weirdos, and beauties- I celebrate those who have the courage and audacity to be and develop who they are all the way. Being oneself requires artistry and courage, and is the highest thing anyone give, a self with a story.

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